Getting the Girl – Without Losing Your Friends

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For most guys, the prospect of approaching a cute girl is too daunting to attempt alone. You need your buddies around you for a bit of support and a safe place to return to just in case, you know, it goes a bit sideways. But your pals may not be what you need when you re trying to make a move. In fact, if the same girl catches the eye of one (or more) of your friends, it could make things rather messy. So what s a guy to do?

For most guys, the prospect of approaching a cute girl is too
daunting to attempt alone. You need your buddies around you for a bit of
support and a safe place to return to just in case, you know, it goes a
bit sideways. But your pals may not be what you need when you’re trying
to make a move. In fact, if the same girl catches the eye of one (or
more) of your friends, it could make things rather messy. So what’s a
guy to do?

Scratch Each Other’s Backs
According to dating expert and author Jay Cataldo,
it pays to establish a “bro code” at the outset, before you go out with
your pals. “True friends don’t compete for girls,” he says. “When I’m
interested in a girl we’ve all just met, I will call ‘dibs’ on her and
my friends will back off and support my gaming efforts. In other words,
they’ll be good wingmen.” Needless to say, you need to do the same for
them. (And you certainly don’t need an Excel spreadsheet, but try to be
fair. If two of you call dibs simultaneously, the guy who hasn’t had a
date in three months wins.)

Guys who take this approach can be a huge asset to one another, adds Adam LaDolce, dating expert and author of Being Alone Sucks!
“You can boost each other’s value in the eyes of a woman. If your
friend is taking the initiative, support him. Look at him when he’s
talking, laugh at his jokes. Tell a story about how funny or awesome he
is. Help him, and he’ll do the same for you next time.”

Play to Win (If You Must)
If there’s no way
around a contest — for instance, if you’re out with guys you don’t know
that well (or guys who aren’t interested in a “bro code”) — then
Cataldo advises outgunning them. “Display as much alpha-ness as you can
until she starts showing signs of attraction,” he says. “Talk louder
than the other guys and try to control the conversational topic. Hold
strong eye-contact with the girl when speaking directly to her, but
glance around the room when she speaks to you. Give her friends more
attention than her. And tease her in front of the group.”

This strategy can work (and a group of guys like this would probably
just respect you if it did), but keep it as a last resort. Chances are
the other guys won’t back down so easily, and most girls find it a
turnoff when guys compete over them … meaning everyone loses.
Besides, competing for the same girl runs counter to the “many fish”
mentality. Cultivate this mindset and you’ll find yourself in a much
better position than the guys swarming around the hottest girl in the
room like sharks to chum.

Take the “Many Fish” Approach
“Once you realize
there are many girls out there for you to meet, you won’t get so hung up
on one,” explains LaDolce. “And the key to this is learning how to talk
to several different women in an evening.” If that just doesn’t sound
like you, try to make yourself do it anyway. Start with women you’re not
that interested in; your confidence will grow naturally with repetition
and experience, and by the time it comes to talking to a girl you’re
attracted to, the pressure will be off just as you’re hitting your
stride.

Then, right when she shows some interest, move on. “The best way to
get a girl’s attention is to be the guy who’s bouncing around talking to
other girls at the party,” says LaDolce. “Don’t worry if your friends
are talking to her. Speak to five other nearby women. Believe me, she’ll
notice you!”

Sanjiv Bhattacharya has written for GQ, Details and LA Weekly and is the author of Secrets & Wives: The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy.

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”