Divorced Mom Dating: Release Your Inner Stripper

SingleDad guest contributor and Single Woman dating expert, Karen Poter talks about women finding their inner-stripper to attract their man in the bedroom. Single Parent dating advice on SingleDad

Yes,
this means you! I don’t care if you’re married, single or something in between.
It doesn’t matter if your butt looks more like Roseanne Barr’s than Kim
Kardashian’s. Stripping does not mean pole dancing. I’ve taken a pole dancing
class, and you need to be part lemur to be able to climb a pole. Think Gypsy
Rose Lee meets Madonna. It means taking off your clothes in a seductive manner
with candlelight, and sensual music in front of your man.

Stripping will boost your confidence and
make you feel sexy. After you try this, your guy may be in favor of throwing a
few dollar bills your way. Why do you think strip clubs are popular? If you
ever went to one you’d realize the following: the girls are usually not good
dancers, they don’t have great bodies, and they aren’t drop dead gorgeous. They
have confidence, or they’re very good at acting like they do! Men pay
ridiculous amounts of money to see women remove cheap nightgowns and pretend
they’re interested in the poor morons. It’s a huge turn on for a man to think
he’s getting a personalized show – even if it’s your guy who’s in his Hanes
boxers watching a South Park re-run. It makes you feel like you’re hot, even if
you haven’t lost those 10 lbs on Jenny Craig.

You
need to do a little preparation when creating a bedroom/strip club. No – you
don’t need to install a pole in your bedroom. Start by digging out the pink
sequined lingerie you bought on an impulse back in ’98. I highly advise trying
on the more technical stuff such as “thigh highs” in advance, since they may
require a PHD in lingerie engineering. I found out the hard way, when I told my
man to sit back while I bolted into the bathroom to slip into something sexy. I
pulled the nylons over my thighs, slipped on a black bustier with 125 hooks,
attempted to clip the 4 dangling ribbons onto the nylons, and failed to get one
to stay attached. After 20 minutes of sweating, swearing, and breaking a
fingernail, I waltzed back in the room looking like a disheveled mess.
Consequently, I’m partial to assembling all clothing under a silky robe in
advance. Make sure that you wear high heels. Don’t worry, stripping doesn’t
require much moving around – trust me I can barely walk in gym shoes. A little
alcohol is good to relax you and free your inhibitions. Note the word “little.”
Translation: Don’t get sloppy drunk because there’s nothing worse then rolling
your ankle, screaming obscenities, and waking the kids when you’re trying to be
seductive.

Lighting
is also an important component. You never see a brightly lit strip club. My
favorite line as I’ve gotten older is, “Darkness is my friend.” Who doesn’t
have a little extra flab around their waste? Nothing works better than
candlelight and a dimmed lamp when it comes to removing the signs of gravity on
your body. Here’s where the little insecure person in you is saying, “I have
too much hanging here,” or “I’d look stupid if I put on crotch less panties.”
No you won’t! You’ll look great since it’s dark and he can barely make out more
than your silhouette. Now that you’ve got his attention, he’ll be zeroing in on
the mountains and the molehills.

Music
is one of the most essential elements in creating the atmosphere needed for stripping.
You don’t hear Jay Leno doing his monologue in a club. I have my favorite
stripper songs. Try Christina Aguilera’s, “Nasty Naughty Boy” – the lyrics are
very explicit.

Here
is the play by play as to how to strip once the mood is set. Tell him you’ve
got a surprise for him, but he’ll need to close his eyes. If you’re sparking
his interest but he is engrossed in the 7th inning of the Mets game, grab the
remote, turn down the lights and press play on your boom box. Start by slowly strutting
by him in your robe, and letting the tie come loose. Tease him by running your
finger down his leg and then backing away towards the wall. You may want to fantasize
and close your eyes. Imagine you’re in a room full of leering men and you’re on
stage as the star attraction. Press your back against the wall and squat down. As
you rise up, open your robe so he gets a glimpse of the teddy. Prance around
the bed and let the robe fall to the floor. Bend over him and let him inhale
your perfume while you brush your hair against his face. Don’t let him touch
you. If you know the words to the song, sing along and tell him he’s naughty
for trying to grab you. By mid song remove your shoes and pull a strap off your
shoulder. Lift one leg onto the bed and rub your body luxuriously. He may get
over zealous and try speeding up the process by grabbing you, but hold your
ground. Be playful and tell him to back off or you’re sending in “Bruce the Bouncer”
to toss his ass in the alley. Keep taunting him by rubbing your body on his and
then backing off.

Towards
the end of the song, remove your gown and keep your panties on. Get completely
naked and climb on top of your eager partner. The next part is
self-explanatory, but I suggest continuing the role-playing to add variety to
your lovemaking. Releasing the inner stripper in you is erotic and will bring a
higher level of excitement to your sex life. Try it and as Madonna says, “Express Yourself.”