Dating a Divorced Dad is different. Ask SingleDad offers women who are dating a divorced dad the best solutions to their often difficult dating questions. Ask SingleDad
Dear Ask SingleDad: Post Holiday Dating Woes
I was hoping
you might have some time to chat with me to establish some clarity for me.
So, this weekend, I stayed with Divorced Dad and his kids for 4 days at
his parents place to celebrate his family Christmas. He stayed in a separate
room with the kids, myself in my own bed. The kiddos were incredibly receptive
to me and very happy to see me again, and as it has been almost a year since I
saw them last, this was a pleasant surprise for me.
Family Travel with SingleDad
My divorced
Dad Boyfriend has always been very careful not to indicate to the kids that
we’re a couple and while I understand taking it slow, I wonder when it is
appropriate that he let them know that it is perfectly natural for Dad to have
a girlfriend? He always came to give me a goodnight kiss before bed, but seemed
incredibly anxious to get back to them, breaking away almost from an embrace saying
he had to go even though they were sound asleep. This was hard for me because
the ache through the day that I had for him seemed so unattended to in those
brief seconds, I felt almost robbed. I’d been happy to not violate the personal
space through the day, but at that last moment when the opportunity came to
just enjoy each other, he seemed distant. Am I being too sensitive to this?
Sleeping With Dad
I haven’t
had a chance to really talk to him alone, but one issue that is really
bothering me is that the kids sleep with him in his bed at least three nights a
week, the night before they go to their moms. They are 6 and 4 and nobody can
convince me they get a good rest in a queen size bed. How do I approach this
subject without being to invasive? I also don’t think the dependence they have on him that he is
nourishing is healthy. But I am not a parent and I don’t know how to carefully
discuss this.
Bonding with Family Members
His family was also wonderfully fond of me, which really was a blessing. I love
to work with kids and I think it was important for him to see that I can manage
myself, satisfy his parents and bond with his children.
I left today
to drive the 4 hours back to my house, and we had a brief moment at his parent’s
house to say goodbye passionately, as the whole family was at his sisters
house. Things got physical, my efforts on him only, and when he finished
I asked I for a quick snuggle and he said he had to get back to the kids. I
have conditioned myself to respond on the back burner whenever he mentions his
daddy-duties so I said, "of course, right, sorry we’ll go." But it
bothered me when I got on the road.
Craving Attention
We have been
deprived of each other for days, then, when the kids are safe in good hands, he
still couldn’t consider the opportunity for intimacy that I was craving? Am I
just not fitting in his picture right now, despite bring well received by his
entire family? Or is it just so hard for him to flip the switch when his
mission has been so focused on maximizing the time he can spend with them?
Sorry Ask SingleDad, this was much longer
than I intended, I just got caught up in it. I want to make sure, when I talk
about this with him, that I do so considering his realities before my emotions
take over.
Ask SingleDad Answers:
Okay, we got a few things going on here, and I am glad you
brought them all up… so let’s get started.
Family Travel:
On the subject of family travel with your Divorced Dad
Boyfriend; keep in mind of a few factors. Depending on how long you have been
dating your boyfriend and how long he has been divorced is going to make a huge
difference in his behavior in front of his kids. Old habits are hard to break
and you just have to let time dictate when and if you boyfriend is going to show
any direct affection towards you in front of his kids. Both the Dad and his
children are each going through their own process on adapting to their new
environment. This doesn’t mean things won’t get better between you and him; it
just means that your time frame and his may be a little different. It sounds to
me like you are a “keeper” and the fact that you attended a family holiday
event shows his commitment to you and your relationship; I would ask you to
look at the positives and appreciate the holiday event as a sign of progress.
Sleeping in Dads Bed
Your inquiry to the children sleeping with their Dad is a
good one. This question gets asked tome often and I have first hand experience
in this situation. The best thing I can say to you about this subject is to try
to understand. Children of divorce go though a lot of change and anxiety. They
starve for security and stability and sometimes the place where they crave that
security is just before they sleep. There is a day on the calendar where the
kids will no longer want to sleep with their Dad, but for now; just respect the
ritual that they go through. I have two daughters and when they were younger,
they would often go through spells of wanting to climb into bed if they were
felling sick or had some separation anxiety. It is perfectly normal as long as
Daddy is wearing his PJ’s and the kids are seeking comfort.
Craving Attention
As far as your conversation goes with wanting some
attention, let me give you some words of caution: Choose your words carefully.
I don’t know how long you have been dating together and I do not know the time
and distance you share between your Divorced Dad and your residence, but I can
assure you that he wants that intimacy from you. There is definitely a way to
get your message across to him without creating drama between you two.
My advice is to text him a few “suggestive” messages and
invite him over for a “play date” at your place or a weekend away meeting at
hotel for a rendezvous. Be creative with your invite and send a variety of text
or photos expressing how you feel about him. Trust me, it will only take a few
of those hints for any man to re-prioritize his schedule.
Remember that dating a Divorced Dad is different and has it
own set of rules and rituals. No two divorced Dads are exactly in the same
place with their family or their post-divorce life transition. Try my
suggestions and keep me posted.
Dating a Divorced Dad?
Are you a woman dating a SingleDad or are you a Divorced Dad
wanting tips on dating a single woman? Email and Send us your dating and
relationship questions to: info@SingleDad.com
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”
