Ask SingleDad: Single Mom Dating Single Dad

SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. Ask SingleDad is the Single Parent Dating Advice section for the Divorced Dad. This month, a Single Mom wants advice on dating a Single Dad. Read more…

Ask SingleDad: Single Mom Dating Single Dad

SingleDad wants to help you
understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. Ask
SingleDad is the Single Parent Dating Advice section for the Divorced Dad. This
month, a Single Mom wants advice on dating a Single Dad. Read more…

Single Mom Dating a Single Dad

I’m a single mom with a 9-year-old son. Was married
for 11 years and dated someone for two years straight out of the gate when I
divorced. He was a divorced man who had never had children, and he was
very patient while my son was adjusting to our situation. I ended the relationship
because I didn’t feel we were compatible on numerous levels and our life goals
were too different. My son loved him but did say that he "wasn’t the
one."

Shortly thereafter, I was introduced to the neighbor of
a co-worker, and we have now been dating over two years.
We hit it off on many levels – both of us had children later in life (he also
has a 9 year old as well as an 11 year old girl). We love to do all
sorts of eclectic things, explore different parts of San Diego and other
towns, try new foods, hike, explore nature, etc.. Most importantly, we
share a strange sense of humor, and the most memorable date in our history to
me is an evening when we sat in a "cuddle chair" at his house
and talked and laughed for hours, (long after the sun set and without a single
drop of alcohol). It’s been incredible.

During the first six months after we met, I was only
dating him (which he did not know) as we weren’t exclusive and I didn’t
have the time to date others (I have more than 50% custody) while he dated other
women. I didn’t object to that at the time because I felt he needed to
see what dating is like at our ages after divorce.

Dating a
Divorced Dad

After dating for about six months, I felt that it was time for
me to be exclusive or move on, particularly because I didn’t have time to date
others due to my custody schedule and I felt like I found the right man.
I explained to him that I felt he should continue to explore the dating world,
particularly after 10 years of marriage, but that I would be reducing my time
with him to see others as I was seeking a partner and not interested in dating
on a casual basis long term.

Over the course of the next week, my boyfriend surprised me
by telling me that on his previous dates, he had found himself thinking of me.
A few months thereafter, he told me loved me for the first time, and also said
that he couldn’t believe that he finally found the person he wanted to be with
for the rest of his life.

We have both suffered through difficult divorces and we are taking
a cautious approach to our future. My boyfriend has explained that he does not
want to live together until his daughter is off to college. This is nine years
away, and I am not cool with this plan. We have spent this past year between
households; rotating between our custody schedules and alone time.

Dating a Single
Mom

I’m absolutely exhausted from going back and forth between
the two houses. I work full time, and his schedule has extreme
flexibility. He typically works no more than 20 hours per week.
I’ve made mention of this, and he has given me space in his closet to keep
things. He has also now come to my home a few more times and has said
that he will do the drive more often, even offering to remodel one of my
bathrooms. His home is much more comfortable, and I understand his desire
to stay there more frequently. However, I have the more hectic
schedule.

My son recently told me he wanted a daddy, and I reminded
him he had one. He said he wanted a daddy for me. I believe he
craves a family. He loves my boyfriend, but at times get jealous of
our relationship.

This morning I asked my boyfriend what he sees for us in
terms of merging families. He said he feels things are so good right now
that he is reluctant to make any changes. The kids get along, he gets the
alone time he wants with his daughter, we have adult time, and he said he’s
never been happier in his life.

I believe I now need to end this relationship, and I am
extremely sad. I am conflicted that I might be making a mistake by giving
up someone who is very good to me and that finding someone with the same level
of compatibility will never happen. My other concern is remaining in the
relationship the way that it is and feeling resentful for not fully merging our
families and households together.

I could use a single dad’s perspective on this
situation. Any thoughts?

Single Mom in San
Diego

Dear Single Mom,

There is a lot to say about living in the present and
appreciating what you have right now. Single Parent Dating has a funny way of
reminding all of us that life is way to short and there are no guarantees on
anything; especially when it comes to love. I wish I could tell you the future
of your decision Single Mom; that way you can see the future and see how your
whole life and relationships unfold.

I can honestly tell you that I have experienced many "What
If’s" in my Single Parent Dating Life and some I live with regret, while others
I have confidently moved on from with the assurance in my heart that it was a
good decision.

With your child involved, this makes your decision a little
more difficult because your son sees your happiness along with your struggles
with the current circumstances. My best advice I can offer you is to "take a
break" between the two of you and see what you both do with your time alone.
Not to be so cliché, but if you really love someone, set him free and see how
you feel about it.

You might just appreciate the relationship in a different
way.

Are You Dating
a Divorced Dad? Ask SingleDad

SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating
from a Man’s perspective. If you are a Single Woman dating a divorced dad and
have a question, or a Divorced Dad seeking dating advice, send us an email
to: Dating@SingleDad.com Your
question will be posted to our readers and we will maintain your privacy.