Ask SingleDad: Accomplish Your Goals Again

SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. How To Date a Divorced Dad is the Q&A Single Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. Our question this month comes from a Larry who has lost his mojo to accomplish his goals.

Ask SingleDad: Accomplish Your Goals Again

SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. How To Date a Divorced Dad is the Q&A Single Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. Our question this month comes from a Larry who has lost his mojo to accomplish his goals.

Ask SingleDad: Accomplish Your Goals Again

Dear Single Dad,

My name is Larry and I am a divorced dad of three boys 7, 13
and 16 living in Beaverton. Before
my divorce several years ago, I was very ambitious with lots of goals that I
easily accomplished. But now I’ve
just been depressed and a loaf on the couch where the only goal I seemed to
accomplish this year is finishing watching the whole season of The Walking
Dead. I’m so worried about setting
a bad example for my boys as I don’t want them to think that this is what being
a man is all about. Plus, I have
no ambition to even date. Can you
tell me how to get my mojo back so I can start accomplishing my goals
again?

Signed Loafing Larry

Dear Loafing Larry,

It’s one thing to be someone who doesn’t have any goals they
try to accomplish. It’s a whole
other thing to be someone who thrives on accomplishing goals. If you aren’t driven by goals then you
might not know what you are missing.
But if you spend your life always aiming for the stars then when you
don’t you feel like you are missing out on everything.

I can certainly relate. There are days when just taking a deep breath may be the
only goal I can cross off the list for the day. It’s extremely frustrating
because I know I’m capable of so much more but I just don’t have the energy,
drive or desire to make it happen.
It’s easy to slip into beat up and worry mode when this happens.

But it doesn’t have to last forever. You were born with your ambitious
drive. That will never leave
you. It’s just a matter of finding
it again. Finding that spark that
drives you to accomplish. Finding
your reasons that inspire you to get off the couch.

Here’s some ways to get back your mojo and get off the
couch.

Shift your mindset

I know what you’re thinking. Don’t tell me to do the whole Stuart Smalley mantra, "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and
doggone it people like me." Don’t
worry I won’t. In my
opinion, that’s the equivalent of telling someone who is depressed to just
"snap out of it" or "just smile."
Barf, gag, ewww. When I’m
not feeling my best, that’s the absolute last thing I want to hear. It doesn’t help me and all it makes me
want to do is tell that person to go away.

However, chances are it is what you are thinking about yourself
and your situation that is keeping you stuck on the couch. Instead of reaching for the polar
opposite of what you are thinking, try thinking of one thing that is slightly
more positive then what you are thinking already. For instance if you are thinking you are a failure, try
saying to yourself, "I feel like a failure, but at least I’m willing to try and
think a little better about myself."
It may not be the positive thought that launches you off the couch into
action at that moment, but at least it puts your mindset in a direction that is
moving forward instead of backwards.
Even if it’s only one slightly better positive thought that you could
say to yourself that day, it’s better than going backwards with negative
thoughts and that’s a step in the right direction.

Choose a mini goal

Here in the U.S. we have this attitude of go big or go
home. Do it all or do none of
it. Don’t start what you can’t
finish. Like Nike says, "Just do it." I believe this either/or
way of thinking is what is causing so many of us to feel like we are not
accomplishing anything at all. We
are so afraid of not finishing or making the wrong decision that we don’t even
get started in the first place.
Sometimes, no matter how much you want to just do it, you just simply
can’t. Try to find a goal that you
can accomplish even if it’s as simple as walk to the store or help my kids
finish their homework today. The
trick is to not make the goal seem trivial. Anything that you set your mind to do and you do, no matter
how small it is, in my opinion is not trivial and will only help you feel
better. Checking things off a list
give you a little dopamine rush and that may be enough to get you off the
couch.

Visual Your Goals

So you might not have the mojo to actually accomplish your
goals right now, but that doesn’t have to stop you from thinking about
them. The best way to help
you think about your goals is to put visual reminders in front of you. Constantly communicating images to your
brain of what you want to create, studies show will enhance your ability to
create it in your life. After all, nothing ever got created or accomplished without it being an idea first. Focusing
on zombies all day long, well, it’s probably going to not make zombies appear
in your living room, but it certainly won’t make that marathon you’ve been
wanting to do happen either. Put
up images in your home of what you want to attract into your life. See yourself have that thing or that
experience. You will be surprised
at how effective this works.

Having goals and accomplishing them is a great feeling. But accepting that there will be times
in your life when life takes over and goals take a back seat is not only
healthy but necessary. Do what you
can right now, even if it’s only a tiny, tiny bit and slowly but surely you
will be back to being the go-getter that still exists inside of you.

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