How to be a Better Dad: Fatherhood in Review

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Dad Blogger, RJ Jaramillo offers 3 Tips on How To Be a Better Dad and what was learned over the past year on parenting teens and tweens. Read more…

How To Be a
Better Dad

Fatherhood
in Review

The other day, I was meeting up with my “Dads Group” for
Dinner and a question was brought to my attention. My friend Curt asked me,
“Hey RJ, did your parenting style change this year with your kids?”

I had to think about it for a second. I then realized that I
had learned a few new things about my parenting. My household has changed this
past year
. My oldest daughter is off to college, which leaves my 17-year old
son and my 13-year old daughter with me on my custody schedule. My life has
changed, and so has the way I parented my kids this year.

As the evening went on, I shared my ups and downs over the year
with my friends and described that there were at least three new ways I had
approached my fatherhood in regards to my way of communicating with my
children.

Below is a summary of these three parenting thoughts and I
would like to share them with you. Like always, I am comfortable admitting to
myself and to others that I am far from the perfect Dad; but perfectly happy in
the journey I call, “How To Be a Better Dad”…

Uncle Buck

Dad Tip #1

Interruption
Control

I discovered that the only reason why disagreements with my
children extended a little longer than they should was caused by interruptions.
That’s right, the act of interrupting.

If you think about
it, an interruption causes the person speaking to stop their thought process.
This intersection of words hits a chaotic halt. And if you are speaking (or
have the right of way) in a conversation and you are suddenly blind-sided by a
“hit and run” interruption, you are going to be angry, frustrated and unwilling
to cooperate. As a father of a Teen and a Tween, the behavior of interruption
is toxic for the relationship. My solution to this pattern was simple; no mater
how difficult the conversation is going, my goal is to listen and allow my
child the right of way to speak what’s on their mind… Allow the natural pattern
of our conversation to happen. This simple lesson has dramatically helped me as
a Father get to the source of the conversation with my two kids, without the
drama associated with an interruption.

Tweens

Dad Tip #2

Teens Want
To Be Right and Heard

I know this sounds easy, but it is very difficult for me as
a Dad to let go of the “Who’s Right and Who’s Wrong” Issue. I think about when
I was a teen; everything had a right and wrong/a black and white/a cool and
uncool. Teens want to be in the right because that is what happens at that
stage of life. We all want to belong in the “right” category in everything-from
the clothes they wear to the friends they have. I know I was like this and I am
just as guilty as the next person for this behavior.

However, just like the above Father lesson on interruptions,
I realized that I needed to take a step back and allow my kid to say what’s on
his mind. Now realize that I am talking about the Act of Listening; this
doesn’t mean that the child who is talking is going to get whatever they want…
far from it. The act of listening as the father is important because your teen
wants to be heard (and right). My
goal is to focus on the “Big Picture”, and not about the immediate
conversation. If I ask myself, “How important is it to me to be right in this
conversation?”, chances are slim that I absolutely need to be right. In fact, I
have found that surrendering a conversation to a teen is quite empowering.

Mustang

For Example, I recently was having a Teen conversation with
my son about his 1969 Mustang. He was having a daily drain on the battery of
his car. We had a lengthy conversation about the possible remedies of his
situation.

However, my suggestions were invalidated and the ones that
he and his best friend had were ideal and preferred. I asked myself, “Does it
matter who’s right?” and after that thought review, I had told him to keep me
posted… Later that week, my son told me that I was right, the Alternator was
dead and needed to be replaced, (my original suggestion). There was no need to be right. My son
had done it for me…

In most cases this year, I have realized that my kids just
want to be heard and feel empowered making a decision on their own. Being a
better “Listening Father” and not worrying about who is right or wrong has
helped my relationships with my two kids.

Tweens

Dad Tip #3

“I’m Not Mad
at You, and You are Not in Trouble”…

Just the sound of this introduction can start a conversation
in the right direction. I am one of those Dads who does not believe in yelling,
but I do holds a firm voice in a conversation. As a result, if I am not careful
with the tone of my voice, my kids assume automatically that I am mad at them.

The best way to help my children listen to me is to have an
effective and direct introduction. I use this phrase when I have to get a point
across. I know that this sounds funny, but taking the fear out of the
conversation helps my teen and tween listen to what I have to say. From school
conversations, to the weekly reminders; this is one of the best ways I can
capture my family attention without the drama. Try it.

Dad plus 2

How To Be A
Better Dad.

In summary, these are three things that I have changed in my
parenting style with my kids this past year. It’s all about communication. As I know from my experience, I will
continue to learn from my own mistakes and do everything I can to become a
better Dad to my children. From my family to your family; I wish for you to
have a great new year being a better Dad.

Do you Have
a Dad Topic?

Do you have a fatherhood / Parenting topic you would like to
see SingleDad us cover? Send us an email with your suggestion and we will post
your question and we will write about your topic. Email us at: Info@SingleDad.com

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”