Teen Peer Pressure

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Single Parent Advice: Peers are important to this generation, more so then ever before and in most cases teenagers choose their friends well and have positive experiences with them. However, there will be times when their friends are exerting pressure on them to do something they do not want to do.

There is no doubt about it but peers are more important than ever to our young people. Recent studies show that only 4.9 % of a child’s time is spent with an adult, the rest is spent with their friends either virtually or hanging out. In fact, most teens will text their friends before they even get out of bed and often their friends are the first and last person they speak with on any given day. Peers are important to this generation, more so then ever before and in most cases teenagers choose their friends well and have positive experiences with them. However, there will be times when their friends are exerting pressure on them to do something they do not want to do.

So how can you support your child to do only what they want to do, not what their friends want them to do?

It is mainly about you teaching your child two things; how to say no and what is important to them. When a child has the confidence to say no and understands why they are saying no, then peer pressure becomes an easier thing to deal with.

So how do you encourage this in your child?

It is about highlighting things for them in your everyday conversations. For example, let’s say your child comes home angry from school one day and when you ask what is wrong, they tell you how their friend has been spreading rumours about them. Listen intently and then ask why it makes them so angry – their answer will be the key to a value. They may say that they trusted them or that they are telling lies. From this you would know that trust and honesty are important to your child. By having these everyday conversations you can help your child figure out what is important to them. It is easier to do this when your child is experiencing extreme emotions such as anger or happiness. Signposting for your children what their values are will support them to understand what is important to them. Next time they are trying to make a decision about something, you can remind them about saying how trust and honesty were really important to them and ask how these values fit into this decision. You will be helping your child learn how to make value-based decisions.

Another thing you can do is talk your child through some situations they may comes across. Let’s say your child wants to go to a party and everyone there will be much older; the conversation may go like this.

"So you are going to a party with children much older than you, that means they may be doing things and might put some pressure on you too. What would you do if say they offered you some alcohol?"

Child answers

"And what if they said you needed to drink it or go home?"

Child answers

"What could you say or do to not drink the alcohol and still be friends?"

Talking through situations like this with them will prepare them for what might come, while also supporting them to start thinking through what they might do and come up with some solutions.

If a child feels they can have open and honest conversations with you, then they are more likely to speak things out with you first.

Helping your child learn to say No will also really support them. If they are struggling with a decision, ask them what is important to them here? Ask them how they can make a decisions and still feel like they are honouring themselves? When they are doing something and it is obvious they do not want to, ask them how they could say no without upsetting anyone.

Helping your child learn to honour themselves is the most important thing you can do and it is something that can happen every day in the interactions you have with them. Stay open and your child will come to you for support and above all, never judge them, just ask questions to understand their motives more and you will be supporting them to understand who they are and make value-based decisions rather than peer-based decisions.

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”