How to Be a Better Dad: Your Daughter and Puberty

This month, one of our members discovers his daughter is sprouting pubic hair and wants some parenting advice on this subject. Single Parent advice for the divorced dad on SingleDad. Read more…

How to Be a Better Dad: Your
Daughter and Puberty

This
month, one of our members discovers his daughter is sprouting pubic hair and
wants some parenting advice on this subject. Single Parent advice for the
divorced dad on SingleDad. Read more…

Question
/ Comment:

My
name is Roman and I am a 45-year old Divorced Dad with 3 kids, two boys ages 7
and 9 and one girl age 11. I have been divorced for over a year and share joint
custody with my ex-spouse on a fairly amicable level. I guess you would say
that I am one of the lucky one’s who has survived divorce and have managed my
career during the whole process without getting fired or laid-off.

This
past weekend, I had my three children together for their "after dinner" shower
time. Part of our routine is
having my kids "line-up" outside of the bathroom while I help them undress and
get into the shower and take the necessary "rubs and scrubs" they need to do in
order to be clean, (washing the body, hair and properly rinsing). It was a
typical evening of "herding cats" with my three when all of a sudden I discovered
that my daughter is sprouting pubic hair. I did my best not to make a big deal
about anything and my other two boys didn’t notice or say anything, but I was
left feeling a bit awkward and surprised.

I
am now part of the next stage in my young girls life and I don’t know how to
handle this. I am sure you and your members have gone through this experience
and can offer me some advice on how to be the best supportive Dad for my
daughter during this transition.

Dear
Roman,

I
can feel the awkwardness in your letter and I can reassure you that you did the
right thing not to panic, or make a big deal in front of your daughter. The
best advice I can offer you is the same advice I once learned myself as a
Divorced Dad with daughters going through puberty.

The
"Tug of War" of Puberty

For
every little girl going through the times of puberty there is a sense of "Tug
of War" going on. This means there is a part of your daughter that wants to
stay young, little and naïve. She wants to be held like a baby and treated with
the same loving care you once gave her when she was younger. On the other hand,
nature is taking place and your daughter is about to embark and a new journey
of becoming a young woman. These feelings and needs are different, and they
require you to be patient with her. Give her the space and privacy that she may
ask for when it comes to taking a shower and other activities that she once
shared with her brothers.

Understand
this Roman; your daughter will be going through this transition and every
little girl is different on their feelings and needs. I think it is important
for you to have a conversation with her when you can find some alone time.
Describe the "Tug of War" scenario with her and make sure to tell her that she
has your permission to switch back and forth whenever she feels like it. Also
let her know the importance of having her tell you how she feels without
feeling scared or guilty. Re-assure her that you support her and tell her that
she is always going to be "Daddy’s little girl" and you won’t be mad at her if
she changes her mind or makes different requests for privacy.

In
summary, it’s a moving target when it comes to figuring out how to react with a
daughter going through puberty. Take the first steps and talk to your daughter
without her feeling like she is doing something wrong or is in trouble.
Describe the "Tug a War" scenario and let her know how important it is for her
to communicate to you on where she is coming from, (little girl or young
woman). Both you and your daughter will develop better communication and a
closer, loving relationship.

Keep
me posted.

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