How To Be a Better Dad is the fatherhood and co-parenting section on SingleDad. Learn great fatherhood advice from our members who are in all stages of fatherhood and single parent life. This month, learn about our member who is having issues with his son “spying” on his activities for his ex-spouse. Read more.
How To Be a Better Dad: My
Kid is Spying on Me
How To Be a Better Dad is the fatherhood and co-parenting
section on SingleDad. Learn great fatherhood advice from our members who are in
all stages of fatherhood and single parent life. This month, learn about our
member who is having issues with his son "spying" on his activities for his
ex-spouse. Read more.
How To Be a Better Dad: My
Kid is Spying on Me
My name is Rob and I am a 45-year old Divorced Dad with a 9-
year old son living in New Orleans. I have been divorced for over two years and
life is getting to feel normal again for me. My custody schedule and
co-parenting with my ex-spouse are on set schedules and going well. I have
started a social life, making new friends and dating. I have a couple questions
First, can you
tell me the "protocol" on how to keep my son out my business when it comes to
my dating schedule? It appears that my son has been playing, "Spy" and
informing my ex-spouse about my whereabouts and dating details. I can partly
blame myself for carrying phone conversations with girlfriends in the car when
I am with him. However, what makes things worse is the awkward conversation I
am having with my ex-wife regarding my activities. Just last week, my ex
"conveniently" appeared at a sports bar with her girlfriends while I was on my
date. To say that I was embarrassed is putting it mildly. I was lucky that my
date was someone I recently met and she was very cool about the whole
Anyways, I guess my two questions to ask SingleDad is the
1. How do I address my dating privacy
with my son.
2. How do I talk to my ex about this and tell her it’s not
cool to "spy" on me?
Your advice is appreciated,
Dear Violated Rob,
It’s great to hear that you are back to feeling "normal"
again after your divorce. For most men, this feeling happens past the 1-year
anniversary of their divorce. I also see that you realize the importance on
keeping your new activities separate with the quality time you should be spending
with your son. Our smartphones are with us wherever we go; and in your case,
the conversations you are having with your social life should be limited to
just between you and the person on the other end of the phone.
I can offer you a
couple pieces of advice:
First, keep the custody time with your son the most
important time in your life. Put your phone on vibrate and allow those calls to
go to voicemail; that’s why it’s there. You can follow up on your social
planning later when you son is off to sleep and you have the privacy. Your son
is only 9-years old, I don’t recommend at this time to have a deep conversation
to him about your privacy. More importantly, you don’t know what exactly he
translates back to his mother if you had the conversation; and you don’t want
any ‘bounce back’ drama in your life from her.
Speaking of your ex, let me tell you a similar situation
that I had during my early days of divorce. It seemed that my ex-spouse had a
"mom squad" out looking for me throughout town on my non-custody nights. When
someone spotted me, they all seemed to converge on my location until I left.
How To Date a
My solution was easy; I enrolled in some cooking classes and
became a better cook at home. Besides meeting a few ladies at the cooking
classes, I was able to develop a broader menu of items that I could confidently
cook at home. Now granted, it took time for me to have cooking dates. I still
had to do all the other "preliminary meet and greets" that have to happen
between two strangers learning how to date a divorced dad. But once I had my
social life in harmony with my custody schedule, my dating life surged
Keep me posted on your results.
Got Kids? Need Fatherhood or Single
Do you have a Post Divorce, Single Parenting or Fatherhood
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readers and will maintain your privacy.
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”