How to be a better Dad: How to Co-parent While Ex is Moving On
How To Be a Better Dad is the fatherhood and co-parenting section on SingleDad. Share and exchange great fatherhood advice from our members who are in all stages of fatherhood. This month, learn about how to co-parent while your ex is moving on.
Dear SingleDad, I am a 36 year old, I have 2 daughters ages 3 and 6. My ex and I decided it was for the best that we are no longer togetheWe finalized our divorce last month. A mutual friend of ours recently told me she is seeing someone new. How do I cope? How do I move on from our relationship and not allow my feelings to get in the way of how we co parent?
-Brian
Break ups are a challenge. From feeling hopeful, to doubtful, then crushed. Maybe confused. Discouraged. It’s a change of routine in your daily life, then add children into the mix. Both of the parents learn to create a new routine for what is best for their child(ren).
At some point, the romantic feelings fade, hopefully for you both, but that’s not always the case. Has your ex partner found someone new and is now expanding their family? How does one deal with that? What can you do as a father to support the children you two already have, understand the new reality? You may feel as a partner that you have failed. You may feel within yourself that you have failed because your expectations to have a family was to keep the family together.
That can be challenging to accept, but is a necessity to. Holding onto that shame and expectations only holds you back from being the best person, friend, and father you can be. Holding onto that does not control the situation or change it in any way. How does one accept? Well, if you are reading this blog, you’re on the right track! You’re aware of your feelings and how those feelings may be holding you back, not allowing you to be living.
- Seek Out Support
This includes friends, family,YOURSELF, therapy, and even therapy with your ex partner. Having someone you can trust to talk to is important and someone who can make space for how you feel so it is not shown around the children or at a family event. There is a time and place to work through it.
- Find Yourself Again
Like I said, relationships end a routine you once always knew. Accepting that includes finding the new version of you after an ending. Get back into what you always loved to do or try something you never have, or always wanted to! Making time for yourself also helps you become an even better father. Along with therapy, there are self help books or blogs like this to help you stay on track.
Living your own life, putting the children first, and doing your best I would say is the ultimate solution to getting past “what could have been.” It is so important for your children to see that it will be okay and they are not stuck in the middle or forced to pick any sides. If their dad can get through it and support himself emotionally, they feel they can too. It creates security for everyone involved.
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