How To Be A Better Dad: When Your Child Disapproves of a New Partner
SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a man’s perspective. How To Date a Divorced Dad is the Q&A Single Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. Our topic today is to learn how to cope when our child does not like your new partner.
Dear SingleDad,
I’m a 29 year old single father and have one son. My son is 6 years old. Unfortunately, his mother hasn’t been in the picture since he was 4 and I started seeing someone about 8 months ago. Around 2 months ago I finally introduced my son and my girlfriend. It did not go well. His temper tantrums are out of control, he has no manners around her, or wants her to come around at all.
-Colt
This does not sound like an easy thing for any of you to be going through right now. I hope this article can help even in the slightest and that you all have support outside of this.
- One on One Time
Your son’s mother left when he was four. He does remember her. Along with remembering her presence comes remembering that she left. That’s traumatic for any child to see one of the people they trust and are there to protect them, walk out. Being a child, he is still learning, and will not always know how to express himself. Taking a step back and reading this myself, it seems he has fear. Having someone new in your life may cause fear for him that you will walk out or fear that he will be attached and this new partner you have will walk out. The best thing you can do as his father is be his support system. Give your son reassurance and show him that he can trust you. A way to prove that to him is to spend one on one time with him. Are there activities you two used to do together a lot? You could put time aside to have craft day, go to the park, go for a walk, or cook dinner together every night. This new partner you have can come around, but it seems it will take time. And when she does make sure it’s not cutting into time you could be spending with your son. Your son is your first priority.
- YOUR Time
Now, “your time” will include what you want that will make you happy and give you a mental break. Some nights you may want to go see some friends, or spend time alone, or with this new partner. Your new partner should not take this personal with how your son is acting nor should she ever get in between. However, you don’t want to neglect your son, yourself, or her. Just like putting time aside for your son, put time aside with your partner. It may take pressure off of both of you so no one feels they need to tend to a meltdown they feel they have caused.
- No Pressure
Do not ever pressure your son or your partner to take the son/mother role. It won’t help anything, it’s not healthy, and will only cause a divide. Force does no good. Going about this with patience, love, and listening ears will allow things to come together naturally.
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