How To Be a Better Dad: Somewhere New
How To Be a Better Dad is the fatherhood and co-parenting section on SingleDad. Share and exchange great fatherhood advice from our members who are in all stages of fatherhood. Today, we learn about how to help your children cope with moving.
Dear SingleDad,
My ex and I share 3 kids. We have daughters who are 13 (twins) and our youngest is 7. I was offered a great opportunity with my work but it requires me to move. The girls stay with me full time and see their mother every other weekend. I will be working in the same state, but it is about 2 hours away from their mother, and the move means the girls will have to go to another school. I took the opportunity and there is 3 months until we officially move. The girls are not doing well with the news so I’m not sure what to do. Or if taking the job is even worth it.
-James, 39
Moving can be a pain but exciting. It involves change which is bittersweet. This article can give you some tips to help find the right decision for you and your family.
- Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
You may have many reasons why this opportunity is an absolute must. It’s higher pay, it’s recognition of your worth ethic, it’s a better place to live, etc. That can make it worth it, but when children are involved, parents understand the second guessing. Choices that we make now affect the lives we care for. Why are your daughters having a hard time? They have a foundation where you are currently. They have friends. They’re closer to their mother. It’s comfortable. They are home. You may have all of the reasons for yourself to take this job on, but ask your daughters how they feel this move could affect them negatively and benefit them. This is an honest way to find a compromising choice.
- Security
Will your daughters feel safe with this change? Will they feel they will be taken care of and supported? The last thing you want is your daughters going through a change and feeling they are going through that change alone along with their other parent farther away. Make sure you find ways to provide them security.
- Trust
Along with security comes trust. If you feel this job opportunity will provide many positive opportunities for your children as well then that can give you a sense of reassurance. They may not understand you’re making this change for them and that’s okay. You can’t resent them for that but be understanding. And walk beside them throughout this bittersweet change.
I hope this article can be of help and safe travels! Remember to communicate with your children, provide security, safety, and support. Change can be scary, but that’s what life does. It’s what we make of it that matters.
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