Paternity and The Unwed Father

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Question: Paternity, Unwed Father

I am an
unwed father concerned about my rights as a parent. Two months after leaving
me, my ex-girlfriend, who lived with me for four years, has informed me that
she is three months pregnant. In spite of the fact that we had an ugly break, I
will always love her on some level, and I told her that I want to help her and
the baby in any way I can.

However, she
says that she doesn’t "need" me and that she doesn’t want her baby to have a
father or to rely on anyone other than her. I don’t get that one at all. Being
an unwed father wasn’t my plan, and I didn’t expect my ex to be against my
rights as a parent. She basically left my place and moved in with her sister,
so it’s not like she’s independent financially. Plus I found out that she’s
started dating recently and is seeing more than a few men.

paternity

The thing is, I don’t want my kid growing up
thinking someone "else" is their father. Even if I am an unwed father, I
believe I deserve rights as a parent. I invested serious time in the
relationship that produced this child, broken as it is, and I want to be able to
support and teach my child with my values (like that relationships need work
from BOTH parents to survive).

However, my ex tells me that she is totally
not interested in having me involved in my kid’s life whatsoever, and that I
can never visit the child or anything. This seems wrong to me. I asked my
cousin who is a single dad about this, and he said that unless the mother lets
an unwed father sign the birth certificate, he can kiss his rights as a parent
goodbye. Is this true?

Unwed Dan in Illinois

Answer:

No, it is
absolutely not true that unmarried dads do not have fathers’ rights in
Illinois. You have the right to ask the court to establish your legal rights to
sole custody or joint custody. However,
first and foremost you should enroll in the Illinois Putative Father Registry.

Submitting your information to this registry
will hopefully prevent your ex-girlfriend from putting your child up for
adoption by giving you notice and the opportunity to object. Normally paternity
for an unwed father is established when the father and mother sign a Voluntary
Acknowledgement of Paternity (V.A.P.). Do not sign one without reading it
carefully and getting advice from a custody attorney for fathers because
signing a V.A.P. without a DNA test may make you the father of a child that is
not yours.
However, since your ex-girlfriend
is not likely to allow even a V.A.P., your lawyer will have to establish
fathers’ rights through a parentage action in court.

paternity 2

DNA tests and other evidence proving you are
the father of the child may be necessary for your paternity to be established.
An unwed father who has won a parentage action, establishing himself as the
legal father of the child in question, has same rights as any other dad under
the law, including the right to seek joint or sole custody.

I co-wrote the Illinois
joint custody law
, which gives fathers the right to remain involved in
their children’s lives. If you become the child’s legally recognized father,
there are several options that the fathers’ rights I fought to include in the
law offer to you: a joint legal custody arrangement (in which both you and the
mother share major decision-making powers with regards to the child), and a
joint physical custody arrangement (in which each parent spends significant
time with the child). You also have the right to pursue sole custody (in which
the child resides solely with you and major decisions regarding the child are
made by you, the unwed father. You have rights, and with proper zealous legal
representation, no one should be able to take away your rights to be a parent
to your own child.

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”