ProActive from Day 1

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Single Dad Advice: Being ProActive can still begin from Day 1 – the day you enter the life of the child.

Since starting ProActiveDads, we’ve been contacted and supported by so many Dads, it has been surprising. We didn’t expect to strike a chord so quickly. Many of those Dads are new Dads. We know its natural to want to start right from Day 1. Be ProActive from Day 1. How does a Dad go about being a positive influence in the life of their child and standing up for his own reputation, other than contacting us?

As most Dads know, fatherhood begins before the birth of the child. You’re working with Mom to make sure she is healthy and safe. Subsequently, both Mom and Dad are focused on the well being of the child just waiting to make a world debut. It is the prenatal care that is truly the first step in being ProActive. Dads not involved in prenatal care are anywhere from 35% to 65% less likely to be substantially involved with their child after the birth. If you’re an expectant Dad, make sure that you are as involved and supportive as possible. As guys, most of us aren’t real keen on emotional expression. Much to everyone’s disappointment, I didn’t even cry at the birth of my son. Biology prevents us from doing much more than supporting Mom during pregnancy and labor. But, biologically and anthropologically speaking, that’s what we’re designed to do! We are hunters and protectors. If Mom needs chocolate chip and anchovie cookies at 2am, we will "hunt" our way to the store, buy the stuff, and make Mom happy. She’s pregnant. She’s carrying your child. Don’t complain about a trip to the store.

On the flip side of that coin, you’re not a doormat or slave. It isn’t totally uncommon for some women to take advantage of the situation and starting ordering Dad around like a trained seal. If you see that starting to occur, don’t allow it and -whatever you do- don’t encourage it! Make sure you have a healthy and open line of communication with Mom and let her know that you want to help and make things easier for her, but she needs to maintain respect for you. Talk to her about maintaining some of her own independence. Moderate activity is healthy for a pregnant Mom and while we’re not encouraging a triathlon, light work around the house, walks around the neighborhood, and getting up from the couch to cut an apple are all good. (Just FYI: none of this applies if she is on doctor-ordered bed rest. If that’s the case, shut up and do whatever she needs!)

During the birth, you only have one option: do whatever she asks. My wife and I aren’t cross with each other and we were both respectful of each other during pregnancy. But some time around the 24th hour of labor, I started to say something encouraging to her and -no kidding- she said, "please shut up. The sound of your voice is really irritating." Okay. For 31 hours, I did what she needed. I got about 1 hour of sleep, but it was all worth it. Make sure you are also standing up for Mom with the hospital staff. They work for you! This is the birth of YOUR child. They can’t do a thing without your consent. If you and/or Mom aren’t happy with something, discuss it with the staff.

After the birth is when you must make sure you are ProActive and involved because this is when the really hard work begins. Don’t be afraid to change a diaper. Muconium can’t kill! And don’t be afraid to hold the baby. You’re not going to break it and in the tiny chance you might drop it -don’t worry- they bounce! (Just adding a bit of humor. Don’t call Family Services on me!) You need to show Mom that you care, you love the child, you want to bond with it, and you are excited about being a Dad.

This advice is no less important if you’re a step-Dad. Being ProActive can still begin from Day 1 – the day you enter the life of the child. These are the traditions that must continue. ProActiveDad Dustin Craig gives this advice: "Remember to take the time to enjoy each minute. No matter how many times you hear it; it really is true the time just go by so fast, before you know it they are growing up."

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”